Or what about this one?
I’ve been thinking about intimidation lately. It seems like one of my boys (everyone in my family struggles with this on some scale) really struggles with being intimidated by new people. I was talking to him about doing Splashball (beginner’s waterpolo) this summer and he was adamantly opposed to the idea. Then the more I tried to convince him the more emotional he got and I was really taken back by it. He basically said that he doesn’t like not knowing people and even though there would be one of his friends starting it with him he was extremely uncomfortable with the situation. So I got to thinking about what’s intimidating him…and what intimidates me. Just like my son, people REALLY intimidate me, running hills intimidates me, seeing my neked (yes, I spelled it that way on purpose) self in the mirror frightens me…oh wait.
Webster’s Dictionary defines intimidation as “to make timid or fearful.” Its been a long time since someone has physically intimidated me (ahem, high school). For the most part, its all in my head, its all about me feeling less than someone else. That’s been a lifelong battle of mine and I’m glad to say that I have gotten better at not caring what others think but I’m far from “over it.” But how do I help my children get over it without being completely free of this battle myself? How do I help them be confident in themselves enough that trying something new with new people doesn’t intimidate them into non-participation? I need help on this one.
3 Comments:
I wish I had some ideas, but unfortunately I don't. I think as parents we don't want our kids to have the same hang-ups or struggles that we did (do). I know that I project things onto my children, but I am sure much of it is innate. Good luck!
Ellie is going through the same thing. I feel for her sometimes about feeling lonely and timid, especially with commuting to school, I feel like she misses all her neighborhood freinds. But at the same time, this is something that they will have to over come and eventually understand that its just part of life. I was always envious of Mae, and her ease of making friends wherever she was. If we let them "hide out" all the time and never give them a chance to do things on their own then I think that is the greater loss. And it makes it even harder to overcome when you are older. Just me thoughts.
Unfortunately I dont believe there is any way to shield our children from these things. Like has been said it is innate and part of certain personalities. I think it is important as adults to remember that every human has felt this way, not to look at some pretty girl, or rich person and say they have a perfect life. Because it just isnt true. Everyone feels small at some point, it is part of being human. For our kids, when they feel this way the most important thing is to tell them you love them. Whether they try something or not, fail or succeed.
One thing I have found with Adam after I read that sensitivity book is that if I prepare him for a new event or change it really helps him. Also let him have more of a choice. So when I see a sport coming up that I know I want him to try, I will approach it months in advance and just say something like "hey, volleyball is starting up in a couple of months, it looks like a lot of fun. Your friend Tanner is playing. Think about it for a couple days and see if you think it might be fun." No pressure right then to decide. I have also had a few convos with him about trying new things at totally different times when there isnt something I want him to try right then. I have found the distance in time helps. Just a few ideas.
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